Money's a Bitch.

I so badly want to reach out to someone.. for nothing other than a friendly ear, a smile, support. But I am so rarely anything other than the strong one. The friend people lean on, depend on and count on to be a pillar. I'm not allowed to have bad days because I'm such a positive, happy person. The one time I look vulnerable to anyone, they'll never look at me the same again. I don't want pity or sympathy.

I had a bad week. That's all there is to it. It feels like for the last few months, everyone around me has been putting me down, or telling me "what they really think of me", or things that I could change about myself, or what I did wrong.. This week was just brutal with the icing on the cake being I rented two cars last week. Why? Because for the first time in my life, that was actually an option. I finally have the option to drive myself where I need too, if I can. If I don't have time. If I want too. Because I said so. Then? Then they charged me $500 for two detailing charges because I'd wanted to share my high-on-life with my heart, my (4yr old) puppy, and take her to the offleash area. Something that we infrequently do, due to my lack of wheels. I never ask people for anything. So rarely will I allow myself to do that. But I NEVER ask people to DO things for me, to waste their gas on me (I once had a bf tell me this, but we were young and he is stupid), to get dog hair in their cars, when they themselves don't have a dog.. I know that can be annoying. So I decided I would do this for her. But no. Apparently this means "excessive soilage". And it's "in the contract you signed". Nothing more, nothing less.

So I called.

I barely got two words in, so I called him a dick. I spoke to lawyers at work on a personal-off-the-job basis for advise on what they would do-if-they-were-me and we went through the contract. She pointed out a few things and the way they were worded and things that I should ask for. Proof of this or that, if they're going to charge me for it, et cetera.. When I phoned that specific location, she did not say what was in the contract; instead? She said "it's a standard $250 rate we charge after pets have been in the vehicle." Oh, really? Cuz that's not at all what your contract says, and in a court of law, that's all that will matter. The "written word". So you can bite me and give me my money back.

Money I don't have and shouldn't have spent, but wanted to, to be happy and independent. Free from the constraints that is the city limits. 

And if they don't? Well, you bet your ass I'll get the media involved because f*ck you, that's why. There's a reason I'm renting a car. BECAUSE I CAN'T AFFORD ONE. Nevermind a $500 total CLEANING charge, which I could have lint rolled myself and no one would have known she was in there. I consider myself to be a fairly clean person, and may I point out, I am also allergic to my dog. So where I can understand where you are coming from with regards to other customers allergies, you should warn customers about the potential cleaning charge. Another thing, I did not authroize this charge, so I'll be calling my credit card company to dispute the charges. Yeah.

Things at work have been iffy since I got back from holidays as well. Could it be because of the Monroe piercing? You must understand that my company is "old". Meaning, everyone has worked there for at least 15 years and up to 35, like my boss. So, what does that tell you? It tells you that they are of the generation that is not big into self expression through body modification. But just because you're not into it, is no reason to ignore me, treat me differently or make me feel like I'm jeopardizing my job. I have not done anything wrong - there is no policy against this. I checked. I even told my boss before I got it that the company needed to review their policies, with new people coming in..

Oh well. My plan is to go into work, on my Saturday, and bust my ass cleaning up everything that's on my "to-do" list, so that when they come in on Monday, no one will have a reason to be pissy with me. I've had it.

I've been stressed to the max with money and debt - debt that I only accumulated because of the stupid recession. I've never been in debt before the last few years. I stopped living from paycheque to paycheque, and began surviving on my credit cards. Which is no way to live, but it sure as hell beats being homeless. I had my priorities at least - rent, bills, pets, food. In that order. I was always last. I had to have a roof over my pets head. I sold what I could to squeeze pennies. I'm proud of how I overcame what I did, but now it's crunch time. I want a car, I want to get on with my life.

And only I can get these things for myself.

As much as my boyfriend wants to feel "needed", this has nothing to do with him. This is something I need to look after.

/rant.

Nearly 1am and I have training at 8am.. yeah.. cuz that was smart. Le sigh.. Just shows what kind of week I've had. Late bedtime=can't sleep due to stress and busy mind..

2012 For The Win!

I didn’t realize I hadn’t written in so long. Already 2012, the dreaded year for some lol.. Many events have happened since my last update.. Nearly a year’s worth! So that’s a little too much for today’s entry. But I would like to start updating my blog a little more frequently. It would be good for me. I go through phases when it comes to my writing. Mainly because it’s not my strong point. Though I suppose with everything, practice makes perfect. Or close to it.

This is going to be my year. I can feel it. I have a lot of good things planned for myself including finally paying off debt, going on a couple trips and eventually getting my license so that next year, I can save for a car and eventually begin saving for a house. Life is good.

On my debt - the recession and a career change at the wrong time screwed me over. I lost years’ worth of savings in 6mths trying to keep my head above water. I did okay, but only because I began living off of credit cards. Not a good idea, but I had no choice. I was $100 away from bankruptcy at one point. No one likes that feeling. So, 3 years later, it’s nice to finally be pulling my butt out of that rut and planning for my future. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am today and I’m damn proud of myself.

On my trips - a friend invited me to Hawaii with a bunch of people this May/June. I’m so excited! I’ll get to swim with the dolphins and hike on a volcano and go parasailing and horseback riding and and.. a bunch of other stuff!! Depending on how much each of these great adventures cost.. lol. I’m also looking into an Eastern Canada tour with a friend to visit my grandparents, Niagra Falls, maybe New York on the way back.. we haven’t finalized the details yet, but it’s in the works! And then finally, later this year, Nov/Dec, I’m looking at another trip, destination unknown. Maybe head back to see the Reef since last year I was screwed over by cyclone’s. If I do that, though, I’d like to also hit up New Zealand. So we’ll see.. maybe it’ll turn into a Europe trip. Never know! Too many choices.. But what’s a better way to celebrate getting out of debt than by going on expensive trips? Haha.. Why not, I figure. If I plan on saving for a house and a car, might as well enjoy this year to the fullest. And hey, if the world does end, then I won’t need to worry about money or a car or a house lol..

I’m also not a supporter of New Year’s resolutions. I think it’s lame. I think it’s an excuse created by procrastinators. Usually ones who don’t have the will power to do something on their own and need to be on the bandwagon with a bunch of other people. Why wait to start working on a goal for the first of the year? Why not right now? Tomorrow? Monday? I just don’t get it. I have given myself x number of years to save for a house before I start looking and my birthday just so happens to fall right before the end of the year, so I don’t consider that a NYR. The biggest one as we all know is in regards to health. Whether it’s to lose weight or “get in better shape” or bulk up, etc. This year was the first year I’d heard a really admirable, legit NYR. Her goal was to be thankful for one thing per day. And every day on her fb, she posts what she is grateful for that day. Whether it be her friends or her health or the opportunities that are in front of her, she is really trying to make a positive change in her life. And really, it betters those around her too. Energy is infectious - whether positive or negative. I have friends who are on the weight-loss bandwagon and it’s not that I don’t support them, I just don’t understand the significance of the first of a new year. I’ve always asked, ‘at what point is big, too big?’ If you find yourself out of breath after a flight of stairs or running a block for the bus or constantly tired, sick or lethargic, then that’s when you make a change.

One of my friends, my ex, actually, has a pudgy friend. Years ago when we were dating, we helped said friend lose 50-60lbs in a few months just by adjusting his diet. Guess what happened? He gained it all back because he is lazy, hates to cook and loves pizza and alcohol. You get the idea. So my ex kept calling him fat and nagging on him to go to the gym, make a change, etc, etc, etc. Then he heard about this challenge on the radio for what? You guessed it. A challenge to lose weight at the beginning of January. Now, my ex, being the competitive type that he is, asked if I wanted to do this challenge. For those of you who don’t know me, neither of us are obese. We are on the athletic side of things. So we’re fit or “thin”. Not to be confused with “skinny” aka, boney. So, naturally my first reaction was, ‘what’s the point? Neither of us have much body fat to lose.’ The trip for two to Jamaica goes to those who lose the most body fat. Not to mention that if his friend goes, he’ll take my ex - not me. Lol.. Needless to say, I joined in because.. why not? Gives me an opportunity to reach my goal of finally showing off my six pack. I’ve got lots of muscle, but for women it’s nearly impossible to always have abs showing. I used to be a trainer and now my current PT is my old  boss. She has been in competitions and all the rest, so when she told me this, I believed her. This woman has had a kid and appears to have zero body fat on her. If you compare the two of us, even though she’s taller than me, I have more muscle. Even her abs don’t show all the time. But I always joked that I never wanted kids until I’d gone to Australia and at least had a six pack once. Not that I’m in ANY WAY saying I want a kid. But. Yeah. For women to have a six pack all the time is almost unhealthy. We need to have a certain percentage of body fat on us at all times. Otherwise, other things start happening in our body and it’s not super awesome. So I figure, I’ll get the six pack, do a photo shoot or something to commemorate my milestone, then allow my body some breathe time.

So, we’re all on this 12wk challenge. So far, in the three weeks, I’ve seen more improvement in myself than my ex - which is rare. You’re usually the last to notice changes in yourself because you see yourself every day. So I believe that that’s saying something. What’s fantastic about that is I haven’t really adjusted my schedule or diet much at all. That makes it that much easier for me. And mentally, I’m in a good place. I have next to zero stress in my life at the moment and am simply happy. I’ve gotten good at managing my stress over the years.. I had to. My life was teaching me a very hard lesson. I learned that I was very capable of being flexible and adaptable.

I should really change the title of this blog to ‘Ramblings of a Woman with ADD’.. =P

I also, in the last couple years, really came to love yoga. It was exactly what I needed. Though expensive, you can find deals here and there and try out studio’s until you find one that is perfect for you. And last August, while dealing with all of my vertigo and inability to workout, etc, I found my studio and passion for the practice. I found myself on my mat, as it were. Which brings us to this past Monday when they began their 35 day challenge, I signed up. I figured, why not? I’m here every day anyways. Although, the rules state I’m allowed one day off per week. And if I miss one, once per week I can double up on classes. So for those paying attention, that’s right, I’m in the middle of completing TWO challenges. But neither are a NYR. Lolz.

Like I said. Life is good and this is my year!

And to Today, I Toast.

Over the last few months a lot has happened. A lot that I could have written about. That I wished I had written about. That I wanted to get off my chest and out of my head. But when it would come down to it, I would sit at my computer, logged into my Blogger account and I would go blank. I can have a conversation with myself or what sounds like it would be a good blog entry just fine, but then.. nothing.

I had a conversation with my mother where I learned that she misinterpreted some of my reminiscing as ‘bad mothering’, as opposed to life lessons.

I had a friend get angry at me on my birthday and then accuse me of having a pity party when I asked why.

I had many friends show up to a first ever birthday “party” that I planned.

I haven’t felt as loved as I did the night before I left for Australia, thanks to the many friends who showed up to my going away dinner. Some whom I haven’t seen for months or even years. The support was overwhelming.

My trip to Australia was amazing, to say the least. It was above and beyond what I expected, dreamed of and hoped for. I survived three cyclones in as many weeks, made new friends and participated in adventures that I will never forget. It is a spectacular country with a fantastic culture. It was hard to come back to a city that is so tense, rude, self-involved, greedy, impatient, unfriendly and in the middle of a harsh winter. But, with each experience comes a life lesson. When you are surrounded by the same thing everyday, you’ll sometimes overlook the small things.

I learned a lot while in Aus. I learned a lot about myself, other people and a new culture. I was able to come back home and appreciate things that are overlooked daily. I guess it’s like the cliché, “never know what you’ve got, til it’s gone.”

The most important thing that I took back home from my trip was that people have too much stuff; too much space, and not enough appreciation. We are very fortunate to live where and how we do. People constantly complained throughout the tour about our accommodations (granted I threw in my two cents, but I don’t believe it’s unreasonable to hope that your room does not come with large bugs or mouse traps under the bed..). However, as time went on, I realized that as long as I had a clean bed, a clean, functioning bathroom and my suitcase, I would be fine. People don’t NEED BlackBerry’s or $5,000 beds. There is a huge difference between want and need, but people nowadays are only concerned with status and appearance – having “the best” of everything. Forgetting that there is always someone worse off than they are. In more actual NEED.

I was recently asked what the six things I couldn’t live without were. My answer? Oxygen, water, food, shelter, clothing..and puppy (of course). That doesn’t mean designer jeans and million dollar mansions, though. I’ll be the first one to admit that I always try to find a bargain when shopping and always try to only buy what I need. But when it’s minus “ohmygosh” out, I believe that you will get what you pay for. So if paying $200 instead of $50 means I’ll stay warm and alive? I have the ability, the privilege, of being able to provide that for myself.

So now I’m home. It’s starting to warm up and I’m thinking.. what’s next? I feel like I just got out of high school. Sure, the world is my oyster, but for so long I was working towards my “one day” of getting to Australia. Well, now I have. So now what?  What’s the next big thing I want to strive for? Where do I want to go? Work? Live? Explore? Who do I want to share my life with? What’s best for puppy? Etc, etc, etc.

I’m faced with questions, challenges and excitement. Yet still, I know that some people can only dream of their next meal. I am lucky to be me. So I take it day by day and am grateful for every sunrise; my favorite time of day. Because you never know what the day will bring..

Hello, Beautiful

It's my nature to always try to look on the bright side. I always try to find the up to a down. 

I'm also a Canadian, born and bred. So it's also in my nature to survive. (Though, I'm sure it helps that I'm a Cappricorn; we're known for being stubborn.)

It's winter time in Canada, in case you hadn't heard. We go through this every year. But even still, every year, people seem to be shocked and surprised by winter's arrival with traffic accidents left, right and center, poor clothing choices and negative attitudes. 

Well, personally, I'm tired of it! If you don't like snow and cold, you're in the wrong country. 

Snow is pretty. It has a way of making everything look pretty and dressed up. It gives you the chance to view something from a different angle; in a different light. 

Sure, winter means cold, but I promise you it isn't that bad if you DRESS FOR IT. It's called layers. As I've said before, I am a practical girl and I don't care how funny I may look to you, as long as I'm warm. And I'd rather be too warm than cold at all. 

Once you're dressed, you're ready to properly enjoy winter, instead of being a sourpuss. 

I believe that if you can't change it, embrace it (in most cases). And this is why I embrace winter: 

*happy puppy who loves to run through snow
*snow angels
*snow people
*snowball fights
*snow forts
*sledding
*skating
*snowboarding or skiing for those who know how.. 
*awesome winter attire
*having snowflakes land on my tongue and tickle my face
*snowcones
*Christmas light decorations/displays
*running and sliding across icy sidewalks in shoes/boots
*great workout just shoveling my driveway (for the car that I don't have, mind you)
*the cold seems to keep people away from my scheduled yoga classes and gym, which keeps me relaxed and gets me out faster!
*after said class/workout, the cool air feels THAT much more refreshing! 
*the obvious Christmas/birthday season for me


Christmas is a whole 'nother entry on it's own. I hate people who have nothing better to d0 than to complain about stuff. Christmas is not all commercialized. It's only as bad as you make it. Money makes the world go 'round and if your family having a Christmas dinner depended on you making sales at work.. Well, you bet your ass you'd be out there trying to cash in on the "giving season".


Sure, malls suck, paying for stuff sucks, feeling guilty because you have to/should/can't afford gifts for everyone you know. But you know what? Christmas isn't about spending money that you may or may not have, unless you make it about that. Remember that there is always someone worse off than you. For years now, I have volunteered to "adopt a family" for Christmas, where you put together gifts for families who cannot afford it. And it feels great to be able to do that! But imagine how they would feel without organizations, donations, charities, volunteers, etc.

Christmas to me has always been a magical time. I can still remember feeling completely at peace and completely content lying under my tree, staring up into the blinking lights and sparkling ornaments, at five years old.


Christmas has always been a time of giving and helping others less fortunate than you. It's about spending time with one another. And for me, it's also my birthday. A time that is typically filled with family, stories, gifts and sugar. But ya know what? Because my birthday is after Christmas and before New Years, I've never had a birthday party, but I don't complain. It's a fact, but I don't complain. I broke up with a long time boyfriend on Christmas DAY, but I don't complain. It hasn't hardened me. 

Even though my birthday is supposed to be a day about me, doing fun things I want to do, surrounded by people I want to be surrounded with.. I'll still make it about other people. I'll ask them what they want to do or what time works for them. I know none of them are prepared for winter or like winter like I do, so I know that no matter how much I want to go out and have a snowball fight or go sledding or anything outside, someone will complain and some might not join at all. In which case, I would scrap the idea altogether. My problem is, I care too much and always want to make sure everyone around me is happy. All my life I have thought of others before myself. Even on my day. 

So to me? Winter is a gift and I will enjoy it. With or without you! It is my time to embrace the beauty of mother nature and be a goof in a field full of snow, alone with my puppy, as I look up to the sky with a smile and thank 'god' that I'm alive to witness it and enjoy this moment.. And that is my happy place. True story.

Raindrops Keep Fallin' on my Head..

..Or is it snowflakes? Nope, definitely snowflakes. I am Canadian, yes siree. I love this time of year. 

Well, okay, not the transitional period, but I love the first snowfall. And the last. Which, around here, seems to be around 7-9mths away.. We sort of.. skip over spring and leap right into summer-like temperatures and then get a couple last good dumpings of snow before it's officially over.  Easily going into May/June.

My dog loves snow. And I love watching her love snow. Sometimes it even makes me forget if I'm cold because I'm so busy laughing at her and enjoying watching my happy puppy. 

I hate when people complain about the cold. However, you ever notice those people are usually female? Females who prefer to dress not-weather-appropriate? More often than not, it will be teenagers to late-twenty-somethings still so concerned with fashion and looks, but it's always annoying to hear. Especially during rush hour, on the way home from work or the gym. I like to read on the bus, so shush! 

If you don't like snow, get out of Canada. If you're going to live in Canada, you have to be prepared to dress warmly. You can't always dress like a slut.

Nowadays, there are a lot of fashionable winter clothing, anyways. Not that I'm into that. I'm one of your practical type of girls. I don't really care how ridiculous or "puffy" I may look, as long as I'm warm. I used to be concerned about the "puffy" when I was in school. I had a jacket that was at least three sizes to big for me in elementary, but it sure kept me warm. Now? Now I have awesome snowboarding pants [though, I've yet to learn how to snowboard..] that I can't wait to wear each year and romp around in the snow with my puppy. 

I dislike the in-between seasons where it's cold enough in the morning for warm shoes and two pairs of pants, but warm enough in the afternoon for just a jacket. I'd rather just skip right to the snowpants and mittens! My chance will come tomorow, so I'm told..! I shall be waking up to a winter wonderland tomorrow! Perhaps I'll see you out there? I'll be the one running around like a goof, throwing snow at her puppy. *Wink*